It's my 23rd birthday! A lot of things happen thru my twenty-two life time. (Obviously) One thing that I really see in myself, which really significant is I grown up. Grown up in a good way! I believe those people who really close to me will notice it. A little creepy that I have never expected of this change. So what are different to me now? Hmm 1. I cut off all the relationship with unnecessary people.
How to describe this, I am making a big decision last year, which I still couldn't speak it out (It will, but I'm not ready now), and that big decision is my turning point in my life. This turning point changes a lot point of view to me. Tbh, I'm scared to be alone. That's why I'm always trying my best to become the best friend, best partner, best schoolmate, or whatever you name it in order to make myself getting more friends. But am I happy about this? No. not at all. Maybe hurt more when you put so much effort to every relation you had, but they are just giving nothing but disappointment to you. Really. Then I made that decision which I'm getting to know myself better than anyone. Yeah. I cut off with those unnecessary people and I feel awesome about it. I guess My decision is right.
2. I'm numb.
Numb. This word is kinda suit for me. Well, I truly numbed. Numb about hatred and loved, but in the good way. One of my friends told about me being stabbed and betray by my own friend. Surprisingly, I felt nothing at all. If you asked myself before now, I'll truly get hurt by it and being down by some days. It's good for me. 'cause I don't care anymore how they look at me, saying shit about me, or anything! Somehow, I also don't feel like giving or doing much effort anymore to everyone. 3. Birthday is no longer being my favorite day.
Who doesn't love birthday? Almost everyone loves it. The day when everyone is good to you, the day you can receive so many wishes and greeting, the day you can receive surprises and presents. I once watched a variety show in Taiwan that one of the artists really don't like to celebrate birthday, blown candle, receiving wishes or anything. You know? at that time, I was really feeling weird and a lot of questions come out in my mind? How this girl really don't want to celebrate birthday? While a birthday is always becoming my favorite day. Now? I also think the same way. Everybody will love you. The real you even it's not your birthday. Then why you still expect a fake wishes, string presents, and stupid surprises from the one that not truly loves you? This is why the reason I turn off my birthday notification on Facebook this year. 4. Realizing that Love is not my priority.
Love is always the element that I am always looking and treasure in my life. Who doesn't need love? Everyone does. But through all the up and down. Currently I realized I'm wrong. Now, I truly wanted to love myself more and want to obsess to myself a little more. Cause I'm always put others in front of me. This time. I just wanted to be the boy who loves himself than the others. 5. Thinking about deactivate my social media.
I don't know why I have this thought. Social media always become my source of information and also the platform where I can express myself more. Maybe in my experiences before when I was really don't care about anything, switched off my phone and felt really good to have my own personal time makes me thinking this way and wanna get a real life.
Well, that's it. I also know some of my *close* friends who used to hanging around me thinking and saying that: 'Santo is changed.', 'This is not Santo' or even 'he's not my friend anymore', but I just wanna say that I'm not changing. I'm still me. The one who always joking around, really quirky and love to volunteering. I'm just growing up to be the person who I wanted to be.
I also wrote a letter for myself (It's a new thing that I promised myself to do. I guess in order to know yourself better, you should do something to yourself first)
写给王国伟的信。 此刻你二十二岁。每天上课专注读书，放学后唱唱歌，当义工，写写小说。如此简单，如此快乐。对你来说，将要大学毕业是你不想面对的离别。而自己就想要快进入事业和往自己的梦想前进。 而现实生活中没你想象的那么简单，但我还是要跟你说一声谢谢。谢谢你努力的把自己做好，成为一个更好的人。 成长。长大。体会。理念。领悟。而你也没有失去原本的自己。 有一些事我要鼓励你，就是二十二岁的你该面对很多应该在你的年龄还不需要面对 但你还那么坚韧淡定的寻找自己，做自己。虽然还没圆满的结束但我有把握你会真的完成这使命的。 你也很感恩。非常幸运。 在你生命里出现很多爱你，照顾你，保护你。 每一个你都记得和感恩。虽然有一些绊脚石会出现在你面前，你也不会因此改变你最基本的理念。佩服你。因为你知道 你不为别人的赞美而活 也不为别人的批评而死。再见二十二岁的王国伟。欢迎二十三的你。 生日快乐。 #8thoctober
NB : Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes and celebration! Special thanks for the SWO volunteer to celebrating my birthday at the orphanage. Feel so blessed. Distant between us? Not a problem at all.
